Finding the Right Caregiver
Once a family recognizes that more help is needed, the search for the caregiver begins. At first, it may seem simple enough: just call an agency and request assistance, or perhaps hire a family friend who’s willing to step in. But the real challenge lies in finding the right caregiver, not only for the person with dementia but also for the family.
We were fortunate to find wonderful caregivers for my mom during COVID, to stay with her while my husband and I were working. Still, it wasn’t easy. Many were hesitant to enter private homes during the pandemic, and understandably so. It takes a special kind of person to walk into someone else’s home and gently become part of the rhythm there. A good caregiver must see their role as one of support and encouragement, with a goal to make the best of each day.
Sometimes families must accept a variety of caregivers rather than one consistent person. These changes can be unsettling for both the person with dementia and their loved ones. But when you find those rare individuals who truly understand your family member, it makes all the difference. We were blessed to have several caregivers like that who were in the caregiving field for people like my mom for all the right reasons.
One caregiver in particular, Robbie, became my mom’s friend and confidant.
Every morning she arrived with a smile for my mom and a dog treat for our dog. That gesture alone put her in good standing with my mom who had taken our family dog to be her own. Robbie made sure my mom got fresh air and sunshine whenever the weather allowed, and on rainy days, she would turn on music and lead her in little marches with arm exercises around the house, singing as they went.
They shared the same faith, and that connection opened a beautiful door. My mom enjoyed listening to recorded music from Robbie’s church choir and watching online sermons from her minister. Robbie was also a wonderful cook who delighted in preparing my mom’s favorite meals. She made her feel cherished by all that she did for her like bathing her daily, fixing her hair, and helping her put on her lipstick.
Not every family is particular enough when choosing caregivers, but it’s so important.
It is your right and duty to find the right person for your loved one.
Never be afraid to say that someone isn’t the right fit if your instincts or your loved one’s reactions suggest discomfort. Sometimes it’s just a personality mismatch; other times, the caregiver may not have the sensitivity or skill to bring out the best in the person with dementia.
Even after my mom moved into a facility for memory care, she and Robbie remained close. Robbie sent her cards, visited her on her birthday, and continues to be a dear friend to our family.
Caregiver Robbie with Grandma
