RESOURCE GUIDE
As you read the story together, use these resources to talk through what’s happening, answer questions, and gently guide children in understanding how to care for -and “love” - a person with dementia, just like the main character in the story does. These conversations can build empathy, provide reassurance, and teach children the best ways to stay connected with someone they care about who is experiencing memory loss.
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FOR A CHILD WHO HAS A LOVED ONE WITH DEMENTIA
In the early pages of the story, we see the special bond between the dog and her grandmother through shared activities like playing fetch, back scratches, and giving treats. These small routines represent the meaningful moments that are unique to a child's relationship with a grandparent.
When a grandparent develops dementia, it can be a deeply confusing and even upsetting time for a child—especially if they shared a close bond before the illness. Children may notice changes in their grandparent’s behavior, memory, or personality that feel strange or unpredictable. These shifts can be scary if they don’t understand what’s happening.
Simple, honest explanations are crucial. Helping children understand that dementia is an illness that changes how a person thinks, remembers, and behaves can ease their confusion. In the story, for instance, when Grandma gets upset while Mom tries to help her get ready for bed, the family dog becomes confused and anxious. But when Mom gently explains what’s going on, the dog is comforted—and importantly, reassured that it’s not her fault.
This reassurance is vital for children too. They need to hear clearly and often that their grandparent’s behavior is not caused by anything they did. Knowing this can lift a heavy emotional weight and help them feel safer and more secure in a situation they can’t control.
It’s important to remember that every person’s experience with dementia is different, and children may respond in a wide range of ways. Encourage your child to share their thoughts and feelings openly. Whether they feel sad, frustrated, or even angry, all of their emotions are valid. Listen with empathy, and try not to judge or dismiss what they’re expressing.
Your support can help them begin to make sense of the changes they’re seeing, while reinforcing the love that still exists in the relationship.
WHEN A LOVED ONE WITH DEMENTIA LIVES IN THE FAMILY’S HOME
When a loved one with dementia moves into the family home, it can take time for everyone to adjust. Daily routines may shift, responsibilities often increase, and the way family members relate to each other can change. For children, these changes can be confusing—and sometimes, they may feel left out or overlooked, especially when much of the household's focus shifts to caregiving.
In the story, the main character expresses this feeling clearly when she says, “Sometimes it seems as though Grandma gets more attention than I do.” This kind of reaction is natural. Children need space to talk about their emotions and be reassured that their feelings are valid, even if the family is facing new challenges.
In many families, adults may be working or in need of extra support. Hiring a professional caregiver can be a helpful solution. When choosing a caregiver, it’s important that they not only understand the medical aspects of dementia but also take time to learn who the person truly is—what they enjoy, what comforts them, and what brings them joy. With that insight, the caregiver can plan activities that are not only engaging but also personally meaningful, helping the person with dementia stay connected to who they are.
And just as importantly, a skilled caregiver can ease the burden on the family and create more space for balance—so everyone, including the children, feels seen and cared for.
HELPING YOUR CHILD EXPLORE FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS
Helping children understand a loved one’s dementia and process their emotions can feel overwhelming, but open conversations can make a big difference. Key points:
Explain dementia in simple, age-appropriate terms:
It is an illness that affects the brain, making it harder for the person to remember things, think clearly, or act as they used to.
The changes they see are because of the illness, not anything the child did.
Encourage children to express their feelings:
They may feel confused, sad, worried, frustrated, or even angry.
Validate all emotions and let them know it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions.
Give them space to ask questions and share their thoughts openly.
Support coping and connection through discussion:
Highlight the love that still exists between the child and their loved one.
Suggest shared activities like baking, listening to music, folding laundry, drawing and coloring pictures, or looking at photos.
Remind children that helping their loved one is special, but adults are also there to help.
Encourage children to let their loved one help when they can, reinforcing that they are still capable and important.
Use discussion questions to explore feelings and experiences:
“The dog loves playing fetch with Grandma. What are some special things you do with your grandma or grandpa that you love?”
“Are there some things your grandparent can no longer do with you because of the dementia? How does that make you feel?”
“What activities do you think you could still do with your grandparent?”
“How do you think the dog feels when Grandma gets upset and angry?”
“How do you think the dog feels when Grandma calls her by the wrong name?”
“When the mom explains to the dog why Grandma calls her by the wrong name, does that make sense to you?”
“What are some ways we can help someone we love feel happy, just like the dog does?”
Model patience and empathy:
Listen with empathy, don’t judge or dismiss their feelings.
Reassure them often that the changes are not their fault.
Reinforce the love and connection that still exists, even as things change.
PREPARING CHILDREN TO VISIT A CARE FACILITY
Are you planning to read this story to children in your classroom, some of whom may have a loved one with dementia? Or perhaps you’re preparing for a visit to a care facility where people with dementia live? It’s important to help children understand what to expect, and how to make the visit a positive and meaningful experience for everyone involved.
Start out with a simple explanation of what dementia is:
Dementia is an illness that changes how a person’s brain works. It can make them forget things, get mixed up, or act in ways that might seem unusual. It usually happens to older people, not kids. You can’t catch it like a cold—it’s not something you can pass from one person to another. Someone with dementia might need help with everyday things, like finding their way, preparing meals, or getting dressed. Even if they forget things, they can still feel love and enjoy spending time with you.
How best to communicate with people who have dementia
Always be kind and respectful. Speak clearly, and don’t have your hands in front of your mouth when you speak. Approach from the front and not from behind. Wait until you have eye contact before you start to speak. Listen carefully, and if what they say doesn’t make sense to you, just smile, and maybe they will try to explain it again. Watch for their facial expressions to determine their mood.
How to Communicate with Someone Who Has Dementia
Be kind and respectful — always treat them with dignity.
Speak clearly — use simple words and sentences.
Keep your face visible — don’t cover your mouth with your hands when talking.
Approach from the front — never from behind, to avoid startling them.
Make eye contact first — wait until they see you before speaking.
Listen patiently — if their words don’t make sense, smile and let them try again.
Pay attention to facial expressions — they can tell you how the person is feeling.
Do’s and Don’ts During the Visit
Be on your best behavior. Older adults tend to have high expectations of how children should behave in their home - and remember, that is where you are - their home! Be polite and have positive things to say. Think of and plan for ways that you can do activities together - like play a simple game of cards or checkers- but don’t be a stickler for the rules. Perhaps you play an instrument and you can bring it along and give a little concert? Don’t be too shy, but still be yourself.
Do:
Be on your best behavior – remember, you are a guest in their home.
Be polite and positive – share kind words and a friendly smile.
Plan simple activities – such as playing cards, checkers, or looking at photo albums.
Be flexible – don’t worry too much about following every rule of the game.
Share your talents – bring an instrument to play a song, sing, or show something you’ve made.
Be yourself – let your personality shine, but in a respectful way.
Don’t:
Don’t be noisy or disruptive.
Don’t argue or correct them if they make a mistake.
Don’t expect the visit to go exactly as planned—be ready to adapt.
A LETTER TO YOUR CHILD
Sometimes children have a hard time understanding what’s happening when a loved one has dementia. A letter can help explain things, reassure them, and show them ways to stay connected.
Dear [Child's Name],
Someone we love has dementia. That means their brain is sick, and it can make them forget things, get confused, or act differently. It’s not your fault—and it’s not theirs either.
You can still have fun with them! Doing simple things like baking, listening to music, folding laundry, or drawing pictures can make them smile.
Sometimes, they might call you the wrong name or tell a story that doesn’t make sense. That’s okay — just be kind and patient.
You might help out more than before, and that’s really special. Helping can make you feel proud and strong. But don’t worry — grown-ups are here to help too.
And remember, your loved one still has things they can do. Let’s help them feel important and loved, just like we always have.
You’re doing a great job. Keep being your kind and caring self.
Love,
[Mom/Dad/Parent/Caregiver]