Teaching Empathy Through the Eyes of Dementia

One of my favorite stories in the book is about the time my mom shared a moment with my students one evening while I was teaching from my home.

During the Covid lockdown, I was facilitating a group of nursing students with their psychiatric clinical rotation when it got changed to an online class. My mom quietly slipped into the room and appeared behind me at my desk, where she could see the eight students faces live on my computer screen. She listened as we discussed the topic of the day.

When there was a pause in the conversation, she smiled and waved to all the students. I believe that because the students were “live”, talking and engaging, she perceived them as actually being in the room with us.

Once a teacher herself, my mother always had a natural way of connecting with young people, and obviously, she still maintained it. She must have sensed it was nearing dinner time, and she turned to me and asked gently,“Are the students coming to dinner?” The students all smiled, I imagine somewhat touched by her concern for them.

Rather than explaining to her that the students weren’t really there, at the risk of embarrassing her, I told her instead that the students had plans to have dinner with their families - which I knew would make her happy.

This moment reminded me that sometimes, people with dementia do live in a reality that does not match ours. It has always been my belief that if their reality isn’t causing harm, we don’t need to take it away from them. Meeting them where they are is often the most loving response.

The students benefited from that experience as well, since they saw firsthand that a person with dementia can still express empathy. I had warned the students ahead of time that my mom might “wander in,” but in truth, I was glad she did.

That serendipitous encounter gave them something no lecture ever could: a real-life reminder that the people who will someday be dependent on them for their care are more than their diagnosis. I hope they carry that memory with them throughout their nursing careers, remembering the woman who waved hello and wanted to be sure they had a place to go for dinner.